Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
