Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
