quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
