I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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