I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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