drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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