my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
