I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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