I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
