he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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