my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
