omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
