bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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