evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
