We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
