i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
