he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
