so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
