Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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