What a fucking waste of an outfit
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize