last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
