i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
