I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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