i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
