He uses pillows to masturbate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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