The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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