You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
