i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
