my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
