i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
