careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
