We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
