It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
