Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
