K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
