You can't motorboat a personality
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
