Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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