i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
