So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
