No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
