His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
