If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
