no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Randomize
