omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
