is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
