No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
