Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
