Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
