im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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