I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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