so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Someone shattered a urinal.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
