No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
