You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
