First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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