There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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