oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We are two peas in an std pod
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Another day, another engagement, another cat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
