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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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