So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
