I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
