my mouth tastes like poor choices
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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