i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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