i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
