Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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