And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
