Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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