Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
