Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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