I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
