The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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