I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
