I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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