You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
