you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize