it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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