Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
