what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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