i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
