we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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