Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
