My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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