Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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