You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ketchup is God's man juice
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
