take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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