it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
