So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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