that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
