I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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