Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
