when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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