I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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