my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
