Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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